I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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