note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
