i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
