I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
