My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
