It's Friday. Sex?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
