made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
