he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
