I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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