I will die if light touches me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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