It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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