dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
