how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
