If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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