I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
