he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
