Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
