then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
