and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
