Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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