he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
