Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize