meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
