Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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