he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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