A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
