I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
