I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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