He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
