just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
