i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize