yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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