even my farts smell like vagina
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
