You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
