I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
