we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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