tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
