So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
