Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
