I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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