haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
