Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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