i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
