don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
