Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
