im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
