cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize