so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
