your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize