His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
