She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
