Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
