Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
