Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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