That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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