what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
