im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
