Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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