they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
