Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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