I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
