Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
