Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
