Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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