Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
