I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
