I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
