i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
