i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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