went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
