Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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