If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize