I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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