I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
