Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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